The Speediness Discussion

"Umm... Uncle Day? I thought you were supposed to be some kind of speed racer, or something... doesn't that mean you should maybe, I dunno, have some speediness going on??"
"I am... but, my specialty is in sprinting... I need to pace myself for these long walks."
"But you told me you're a professional athlete, doesn't that mean... like... you should be in shaapppe??"
"I am in shape, Derby... for SPRINTiiinng! And anyhow, we've been over this... I'm RETIRED!"
"So, retired means you can just let yourself go?"
"Look who's talking..."
"Hey! I'm not chubby, okay; it's all fur!!!"
"Whatever."
"Well, I'm still ahead of you, so I wonder what that says on the topic?"
"It says you can thank your extend-a-leash for that one, Derby, 'cause I'm not allowed to have one, but if I was... I can guarantee you I'd be in the lead."
"I think it says I'm FASTERRR!"
"Yeah? Well. You wouldn't be moving so fast either, if you had to wear all the extra clothes that I have to wear... this stuff weighs as much as I do; it's a workout just to leave the house!"
"Excuses, excuses....."
"No excuses... just facts."
"Yeah, but the only fact actually in-play right now, is that I'm ahead of you... which means... Iiiiii'm FASTERRR!!!"
"Nephews are so unfair... grumble, grumble....."